Posted in Theatre

Understanding God

Understanding God


Dedicated to: Those who don’t believe

Recently, I encountered some new sights about faith and God. About how we will end up after we die.

The funny thing about this insights were how God revealed it to me through the mediums of ‘Lucifer’ TV season on Netflix, ‘Noah’ the movie, and one CD that I got from the church, ‘Heaven and Hell’ by Ps. Park Se Yeon.

All of those three insights have one in common. They talked about hell. They also talk about God, their creator. Even the devil himself believes in God although he called it ‘Dear old Dad..’ with so much loathe (from ‘Lucifer’)

I also came across with one Buzzfeed video of atheists talking to a pastor and discuss things – that’s where I found out that these not believing in God thing / not believing / don’t know where we going after we die thing is an issue and I feel the urge to tell you all about where we end up after we die if we don’t accept and live be more like Jesus in our everyday lives.

A little bit of my background, I’m literary no one – I’m not a pastor or a scholar – I’m just a regular person with the heart of ‘at least you know the truth because Hell is unavoidable and it’s unpleasant.’ because no one knows, no one that still lives knows what would happen when we die, where do we go from after we die? Except the ones who got lucky enough to get second chances in life. I’m sure they’ll agree with this article.

I grew up as a Christian, since I was born. But that doesn’t mean I have 100% understanding of what God is, what Christianity is, what Jesus is – I grew up in a Presbyterian church, very normal family and my parents were very generous. But it is different when you grow so much in a Presbyterian church your whole life and then you gone AWOL from church and somehow your faith were being tested. There’s this period that I still don’t understand where I don’t feel Him. I normally can sense Him, but this period was just void and empty. I cried and prayed hard but it was still empty.

On my prayers, I begged for to not let me go even though I feel empty and void about Him. There’s no answer – but I know as a human with mental illness, I can’t really rely on my self – so I have to rely on Him.

My life is change when I enter Hillsong Church during my uni time in Sydney. There, Jesus really showed me who He really is and it is not a religion, but it is a personal relationship with Him.

Even writing this now takes forever because I’m sure this can change people’s lives but I need to fight on because the evil spirits trying to stop me from completing this.



in the beginning

abel is in hell

without jesus is nothing

how we fell sin

adam n eve

Ok so let’s get back to the beginning of time. According to the Bible, in the beginning, God created creation = Earth, and he created us, humans – through Adam and Eve, who then fell into temptation and sin.

This is where it got interesting. Because of this Adam and Eve act, who took the fruit of knowledge, all of us humans, no matter how good we are or how many sacrifices that we put up for God during those ancient times, the humans is automatically going to hell when they die. Except the ones that were really close to Him or are the chosen ones. LIke Prophet Elia who is descent to Heaven or Moses, etc.

Where do I have this conclusion? Because before Jesus died on the cross to save us all from Hell, it is by default that humans go to hell because there’s no savior yet. The savior has not been born. And throughout so many sacrifices or God sending His prophet to save His nation, if you are really close to Him and follow Him all the way through and through then maybe you can go to Heaven – but before Jesus was born, there’s no guarantee either or not you are going to Heaven like for sure.

This is where I got in awe and in tears because if you said that Big Guy up there doesn’t love you or doesn’t exist, and then you have to think again.

Don’t let some childhood religion trauma hinders you because religion are man made. So they have so many flaws.

But I want you to know that Big Guy who lives in our heart and above those skies, who is the creator of everything on earth, really really really loves you very much.


Think of it this way, think of Him as your Heavenly Father, as your Dad. There are some things that your dad does that sometimes doesn’t make sense and He have his reasons right?

Something like that.

Because of what Adam and Eve did, that all of us are sinned, God sent down His own son, Jesus, who came down to Earth and become a flesh like us to become OUR Savior, so we are not punished and we have a guarantee pass to Heaven through Him.

This is God’s love. For Us.

Ok, don’t think it as like a physical human ways that God had sex or something like that and somehow he become human – it’s not like that.

God is divine, so a lot of times the things that He does have reasons and A LOT of times, we don’t understand it because as humans, we are out of capacity to understand everything that He does.

All of us humans, we have spirits who will leave our body once we die. So imagine it this way, throughout thousand of years / millennia / eons God sits on His thrown trying to figure out how to save humans from Hell / eternal damnation because of what Adam and Eve did.

There’s this time when He wiped out all of His creations and saved animals and the ones that close to Him, Noah (if you see the movie, it’s 90% accurate according to the Bible) because humans were eating each other and were evil. So God starts fresh by using water and He wiped everything out for days/years (details can see it from the Bible chapter Act 3-5)

And then He made a promise to not do that again with Noah and then came Abram, the father of nations.

Details on how God tried and wants to save us from going down to Hell when we die can be seen in detail through out the Old Testament from the Bible –

Because He loves us so much, He wants the best out of us, and He wants to save us – so we don’t have to go to Hell by sending Jesus, His own Son, as sacrifices. He went down from His Mighty Kingdom to this ordinary Earth, to just be with us plus He died on the cross in the process of saving us from Hell.

Now, if this is not LOVE, what is it then?

“Seek God while he’s here to be found, pray to him while he’s close at hand. Let the wicked abandon their way of life and the evil their way of thinking. Let them come back to God, who is merciful, come back to our God, who is lavish with forgiveness.” – Isaiah 55:6-7 MSG

You don’t have to believe in the religion, it’s man made. But after reading this, there’s things that you don’t understand, that’s fine as well – but I’m telling you, can you at least try to communicate with Him? The Big Guy above? He knows you very well – deep – inside and out – it’s like building a relationship, when you don’t know that person then you don’t know… and communicating to Him is so simple.

Just close your eyes and pray.

It might feels weird at first, like talking to your self, but if you make this as a habit, I’m pretty sure and I believe, He will start communicating with you through signs, heart, gut feelings, words, etc.

He loves you very much and He wants you to come home to Him.

If you want to know more, this link would help you out:

Youtube link:


Posted in Inspirational, Personal

Benedict Cumberbatch came to my dream to tell me this…

6 january 2019 – 7:49AM

I dreamed about

I was walking with Benefict Cumberbatch to a place whic looks like a fire station..
we met a paparazzi named Ignam, an italian who gave me his name card.. i introduce my self as Vania and Benedict introduce me to him as ‘She’s my assistant’ (before this, I wasn’t sure what I am) then Ignam said “Pleasure to meet you Vania. Here’s my name card.”

Before the name card thing happen:

Ignam came and tell Benedict:

“It’s done.. you can go in”

I was thinking about why and trying to find the reasons cuz lots of it doesn’t make any sense

Then Benedict take me up to inside the fire station building – brown stairs – before that he said “There you go, you’re my assistant now” – in which point i said “Thank you so much”

And then we went up to a property office… at the stairs B took a lot of pictures with his Iphone.. and i was holding an Instax camera … and I also found out that Benedict owns the office ….

In here he told me a good piece of advice:

“ you have to focus on the what. Not the why? Therefore you are focused on the task, not the perimeter of it. So many successful people doing it, on focus on the what. / the task – and that’s their key to success because they don’t meddle around on the why’s / other people businesses. They’re just focus on the what.”

I see.. thanks so much for the advice – and i try to take pics with him with the instax but the instax has run out of ink

And then I woke up.

Posted in Theatre

#pathdaily I do hope @Path stays open because there are so many great memories here and I don’t want to erase that. It’s been 5 years and more with Path full of memories, just like a journal.

Please stay open #Path 😊❤️ – I haven’t got the chance to enjoy your new features yet….

View on Path

Posted in Creative Writing, Journal, Poetry

Flower by Varry

I have been facing so many rejections all my life.

Let it be friends, family, workplace, and so on

It’s like a melody where I don’t belong with others.

It hurts.

It’s like I have this fear of being rejected

It’s like I will go as this happy go lucky amazing awesome person at first

but then after several attempts in getting to know me

they will go away

And there’s that fear again

Hawking and mocking my heart and says

“You don’t belong, they will hate you.”

And every time that sense of fear comes, it’s coming true.

and I hate it every time that fear was right.

My heart start to ponder


Why I don’t belong with others? Why am I afraid to face it? Why I am afraid to tell them what I want?

Why is it so hard to let it go of what I want?

Why am I so stressed out every time?

Knowing that it would fail?

I hate me.

I’m fat now

Numbing my self to all Netflix shows and hoping that everything will go away.

I hate my self waking up at 4PM in the afternoon and still being up and awake at 4 AM in the morning.

It’s not healthy.

I mean, I know it’s not healthy, but why am I still doing it?

Why is it now becoming a routine?

I need sleep

Like a proper sleep

I need to push my reset button again.

I’ve made promise to my self that I would get fit this June.

I did one and two exercises here and there

But why am I still fat?

and I keep postponed things over and over again, like time is my best friend or I’m the owner of time – but it’s clearly not.

I mean I’m almost 30, and I don’t have a specific goal in life – I don’t have many friends

I always have trouble at work

I have so many skills and talent and yet I have no idea how to interact with other people.

Why am I like this?

Why am I always ended up alone, hated, and drained out ?

Why am I worry so much ?

Why acceptance, validation, and recognition is important to me?

Why can’t I be accepted?

Why is society always different than me?

I’m not the same as other people – I’m different like so different that it hurts

Because I will always ended up



It’s beautiful

But people picked it up one by one

Smell it

Took picture about it

It looks great at first time

As a sign of symbol of gratitude or appreciation or something

But after all that greatness is gone,

They would just throw the flower away.

Just like me.

Posted in byVarry

More of About Me…

I work as Marketing Operational Manager and Dept. Head of Hospitality in Full Color Entertainment. My roles there are normally assisting my boss whom is like a brother to me in everything / ALL ROUNDER and being a hospitality Dept.Head for the artist during music concerts.

With Boyzlife during May 2017 – FullColorParty
I love music. I have them since I was a kid. My first album was Britney Spears ‘Baby OneMore Time’ and Backstreet Boys ‘Millenium’ – My grandma bought my first two cassette as a birthday present for me. Which helped me shaped my life in everything.
And then, I fell in love with Westlife. I was crazy about them. I forced my mother to buy loads of Westlife Album when I was in junior high – I was totally in love with them. My fav was Shane Filan and Brian McFadden.
I chased them, stalked them, and I even go to Ireland for their Farewell tour.

This is the pic where I wished that I’m Shane’s Crew / Hospitality – and it came true! #ThankYouJesus
And then, came One Direction… haha.

btw, I took this pic of Harry in Sydney 2012 😀
I liked them and I used my fangirling in stalking/ chasing skills to get into them and eventually I ran out of money to chase my fav artist and growing up made me think. Wait a minute. I’ve put on so much effort and money in being the fan girl, is this enough? I said to my self, no. I want more.
I want to see what it’s like behind the stage, the production perspectives, the crazy life behind those glam stage lights… and I think it’s time for me to get paid in what I do best, assisting others / helping everyone that is in need, especially the artist.

With Shane Filan in Bandung.. I was the organizer for this Fan Meet 😀!
So I kept on praying and putting effort by using my fan girling skills and just ask around. I gave my boss my number and fast forward to now………
All those years of chasing the artist and hard work pays off.
I am living the dream and I love where I am now. 🙂

Me in the lift about to pick Boyzlife from their Hotel Rooms to go to the venue

2017 – Living the Dream! #ThankYouJesus
Hi, my name is Vania.
You can call me Varry or VanZ or Vanilla – Idk. 😀
But, if you need my help/my service as your Virtual Assistant, Production Crew, Event Organizer, Stage Manager, Home Cook for you, Actor, Model, Photography, or just a friend – just message me and I’ll get back to you ASAP. 🙂

With my Boss and the Palembang Promotor

Me in Maverick Radio

Me and The Overtunes

Met him in Bali UWRFs 2016 🙂
All the love,
Vania x
Posted in Church Life, Journal, My Life Stories, Personal

It’s time to change !

I finally taking the steps that is needed in my life.

I just realized I have been living in a stagnant for the past months / years !

Today in church, they were talking about living generously and having the generous mindset.

So after three weeks of non tithing, i finally been able to tithe and it does feels different. #thankYouJesus

they said that if we have a generous mindset and be the person that always giving – it wouldn’t make us depressed / self centred and makes us happy.

So start living generously people! 

Give to those who needs it the most – because in fact – the money that we have is the actually the money that we consume / chew / etc – not the money in the bank.

and when we give it to church / mission / to those who really need it – we transfer the money / our wealth to heaven not leaving it behind us when we died – because when we die, that money belongs to the family not to us – lol

The pastor says those things which is really make sense. If we want to bring wealth to heaven – then start living generously and have a generous mindset ! 

anyway, just want to say that I’ve finally decided to take CORE by NDC.

Since moving to West Jakarta – I have been attending the church for a year now – so it’s a bit weird if I don’t plant my self there lol – and I do like living in this West Jakarta complex because I can just walk to the mall / surrounded by it ! LOL ..

So here’s goes me reseting my self – my life again to the beginning.

I have been focusing on me me and me lately and it’s very depressing 

It’s time to give back.