Posted in Theatre

Understanding God

Understanding God


Dedicated to: Those who don’t believe

Recently, I encountered some new sights about faith and God. About how we will end up after we die.

The funny thing about this insights were how God revealed it to me through the mediums of ‘Lucifer’ TV season on Netflix, ‘Noah’ the movie, and one CD that I got from the church, ‘Heaven and Hell’ by Ps. Park Se Yeon.

All of those three insights have one in common. They talked about hell. They also talk about God, their creator. Even the devil himself believes in God although he called it ‘Dear old Dad..’ with so much loathe (from ‘Lucifer’)

I also came across with one Buzzfeed video of atheists talking to a pastor and discuss things – that’s where I found out that these not believing in God thing / not believing / don’t know where we going after we die thing is an issue and I feel the urge to tell you all about where we end up after we die if we don’t accept and live be more like Jesus in our everyday lives.

A little bit of my background, I’m literary no one – I’m not a pastor or a scholar – I’m just a regular person with the heart of ‘at least you know the truth because Hell is unavoidable and it’s unpleasant.’ because no one knows, no one that still lives knows what would happen when we die, where do we go from after we die? Except the ones who got lucky enough to get second chances in life. I’m sure they’ll agree with this article.

I grew up as a Christian, since I was born. But that doesn’t mean I have 100% understanding of what God is, what Christianity is, what Jesus is – I grew up in a Presbyterian church, very normal family and my parents were very generous. But it is different when you grow so much in a Presbyterian church your whole life and then you gone AWOL from church and somehow your faith were being tested. There’s this period that I still don’t understand where I don’t feel Him. I normally can sense Him, but this period was just void and empty. I cried and prayed hard but it was still empty.

On my prayers, I begged for to not let me go even though I feel empty and void about Him. There’s no answer – but I know as a human with mental illness, I can’t really rely on my self – so I have to rely on Him.

My life is change when I enter Hillsong Church during my uni time in Sydney. There, Jesus really showed me who He really is and it is not a religion, but it is a personal relationship with Him.

Even writing this now takes forever because I’m sure this can change people’s lives but I need to fight on because the evil spirits trying to stop me from completing this.



in the beginning

abel is in hell

without jesus is nothing

how we fell sin

adam n eve

Ok so let’s get back to the beginning of time. According to the Bible, in the beginning, God created creation = Earth, and he created us, humans – through Adam and Eve, who then fell into temptation and sin.

This is where it got interesting. Because of this Adam and Eve act, who took the fruit of knowledge, all of us humans, no matter how good we are or how many sacrifices that we put up for God during those ancient times, the humans is automatically going to hell when they die. Except the ones that were really close to Him or are the chosen ones. LIke Prophet Elia who is descent to Heaven or Moses, etc.

Where do I have this conclusion? Because before Jesus died on the cross to save us all from Hell, it is by default that humans go to hell because there’s no savior yet. The savior has not been born. And throughout so many sacrifices or God sending His prophet to save His nation, if you are really close to Him and follow Him all the way through and through then maybe you can go to Heaven – but before Jesus was born, there’s no guarantee either or not you are going to Heaven like for sure.

This is where I got in awe and in tears because if you said that Big Guy up there doesn’t love you or doesn’t exist, and then you have to think again.

Don’t let some childhood religion trauma hinders you because religion are man made. So they have so many flaws.

But I want you to know that Big Guy who lives in our heart and above those skies, who is the creator of everything on earth, really really really loves you very much.


Think of it this way, think of Him as your Heavenly Father, as your Dad. There are some things that your dad does that sometimes doesn’t make sense and He have his reasons right?

Something like that.

Because of what Adam and Eve did, that all of us are sinned, God sent down His own son, Jesus, who came down to Earth and become a flesh like us to become OUR Savior, so we are not punished and we have a guarantee pass to Heaven through Him.

This is God’s love. For Us.

Ok, don’t think it as like a physical human ways that God had sex or something like that and somehow he become human – it’s not like that.

God is divine, so a lot of times the things that He does have reasons and A LOT of times, we don’t understand it because as humans, we are out of capacity to understand everything that He does.

All of us humans, we have spirits who will leave our body once we die. So imagine it this way, throughout thousand of years / millennia / eons God sits on His thrown trying to figure out how to save humans from Hell / eternal damnation because of what Adam and Eve did.

There’s this time when He wiped out all of His creations and saved animals and the ones that close to Him, Noah (if you see the movie, it’s 90% accurate according to the Bible) because humans were eating each other and were evil. So God starts fresh by using water and He wiped everything out for days/years (details can see it from the Bible chapter Act 3-5)

And then He made a promise to not do that again with Noah and then came Abram, the father of nations.

Details on how God tried and wants to save us from going down to Hell when we die can be seen in detail through out the Old Testament from the Bible –

Because He loves us so much, He wants the best out of us, and He wants to save us – so we don’t have to go to Hell by sending Jesus, His own Son, as sacrifices. He went down from His Mighty Kingdom to this ordinary Earth, to just be with us plus He died on the cross in the process of saving us from Hell.

Now, if this is not LOVE, what is it then?

“Seek God while he’s here to be found, pray to him while he’s close at hand. Let the wicked abandon their way of life and the evil their way of thinking. Let them come back to God, who is merciful, come back to our God, who is lavish with forgiveness.” – Isaiah 55:6-7 MSG

You don’t have to believe in the religion, it’s man made. But after reading this, there’s things that you don’t understand, that’s fine as well – but I’m telling you, can you at least try to communicate with Him? The Big Guy above? He knows you very well – deep – inside and out – it’s like building a relationship, when you don’t know that person then you don’t know… and communicating to Him is so simple.

Just close your eyes and pray.

It might feels weird at first, like talking to your self, but if you make this as a habit, I’m pretty sure and I believe, He will start communicating with you through signs, heart, gut feelings, words, etc.

He loves you very much and He wants you to come home to Him.

If you want to know more, this link would help you out:

Youtube link:


Posted in Inspirational, Personal

Benedict Cumberbatch came to my dream to tell me this…

6 january 2019 – 7:49AM

I dreamed about

I was walking with Benefict Cumberbatch to a place whic looks like a fire station..
we met a paparazzi named Ignam, an italian who gave me his name card.. i introduce my self as Vania and Benedict introduce me to him as ‘She’s my assistant’ (before this, I wasn’t sure what I am) then Ignam said “Pleasure to meet you Vania. Here’s my name card.”

Before the name card thing happen:

Ignam came and tell Benedict:

“It’s done.. you can go in”

I was thinking about why and trying to find the reasons cuz lots of it doesn’t make any sense

Then Benedict take me up to inside the fire station building – brown stairs – before that he said “There you go, you’re my assistant now” – in which point i said “Thank you so much”

And then we went up to a property office… at the stairs B took a lot of pictures with his Iphone.. and i was holding an Instax camera … and I also found out that Benedict owns the office ….

In here he told me a good piece of advice:

“ you have to focus on the what. Not the why? Therefore you are focused on the task, not the perimeter of it. So many successful people doing it, on focus on the what. / the task – and that’s their key to success because they don’t meddle around on the why’s / other people businesses. They’re just focus on the what.”

I see.. thanks so much for the advice – and i try to take pics with him with the instax but the instax has run out of ink

And then I woke up.