It’s funny how God work sometimes in my life.
I have this tendency of becoming a tyrant or an oppressed leader – where at the end people loses their respect to me because I’m just somehow becoming oppressed or selfish.
Honestly, I hate being like that. I valued others more and I want to learn to be better.
If people hate annoying person, then I’m that annoying person.
I mean all I mean is well but because I’m a concept maker not a good communicator – I lost their respect.
I can give you many great ideas but at the end somehow I asked people to do it – rather than me doing my ideas. I mean i still do my ideas but I meant to delegate them to other people but somehow that would be wrong or oppressed.
I’m tired of becoming that person.
God created me with so many wonderful abilities, skills, creative ideas, talents, confidence, great looks, but somehow I have to fight my own tardiness, and all those negativity that comes behind me.
That would leave me to a way of ‘people will respected me and highly regard me then after a while they’re just tired of me’ – then leave me to ‘feeling unaccepted’ and ‘left out’ – these has been my life for many years – and I hate it.
‘I’m someone with great ideas and creative minds – but I’m lacking of emotional intelligence and somehow I really need to speak up about my negativity to others or my co-workers – so they know what to expect if one day I might break down.
or not up to par of what they expected of me.
I hate this and I don’t like it. At all. I hate being a tyrant and I don’t want to be one. I want to change and learning new steps that I have to take –
‘Conquering my own ego’
See, I’m my own worst enemy.
but I liked the fact that I never stop learning and that every single way God uses many ways to make me better.
Like the job that I have now.
I’m still new to this thing for them – even though I feel that I’m not really new to this business because I’ve been fangirling, stalking, crewing, and doing events for most of my life – but for them ‘I’m this new comer and I have to prove them that I can do it – and I’m up to their par.’
For some reason God give me this job that I always wanted – Artist liason. i love being it – and i feel that’s my purpose of why I was born.
But, on top of that, I have to work as a team. Even though I’m easily adaptable, but team work is like 5 ot 6 score for me – on the scale 1-10. That’s why at the beginning I said that its funny how God work sometimes.
I was this lonely kid – then He put me to this theatre group in church to expand my self and somehow from there I learned to be a team player.
And now with my current job, ‘I was this tyrant lady that likes to lead people then He put me to this new job that I liked and that somehow I have to learned how to be a good follower and listener.’
I’ve watched The Shack – from there I know how God works. He doesn’t want us to be stuck or feel stuck – but in order to move forward He put us into these life challenges or games so we can face it and win the race – and then moving forward.
I feel like I’m on the right track now – and I never feel more content in what I do. It’s like God finally put me in the job that suits me as a person AND at the same time He asks me to learn something new each day/each work/projects + learning to be a follower and a listener instead of being a leader or this tyrant person.
and I’m up for this challenge.
It’s gonna be hard – its never been easy.
But the outcome behind this in the future will be good.
I guess, “we never stop learning.”