Posted in Theatre

Hurting and Life Sturggles 

Two weeks ago, I was in the middle of a problem that affected me financially, career wise, and most importantly my confidence. I kept thinking about it. On and on. 

Didnt talked about it with my parents, or anyone, even to my self. 

I didn’t admit that I have this huge problem over my shoulder and that I needed a councelor. 

I tried to speak up and just talked it through, I pray about it and seriously admitted that I needed help. 

I texted my counselor friend, that I need a professional guidance and in need of a conselor, but I couldnt afford my friend, so I didnt go into theraphy sessions.
But the moment of ‘oh, i need help. I am stuck and I am in trouble’ made me cry and felt relief.

The moment that I admitted, I have a problem and now I am ready to face it. 
I told and pray to God, to show me ways of doing things. Of opening new doors for me. 

Of directing me to which ways He wanted me to go. 

He would normally answers quickly but this time, He told me to wait. And admit to reality, to whats been hindered me. To whats inside my mind. He told me to admit those things to Him and pray about it. 

That’s what I did. 

Like Finally. 

The next day, I got a call from a friend that he needed me to replace him for a day in a project he’s been working on. 

I was still in recovery from the wisdom teeth operation but I immediately say yes, because its been a while since I’m working on a project and I think I’m ready to go for it. 

At that moment, it wasn’t confirmed yet, and i told him that i have another appoinment booked at 6pm and he have to let me know what time he needed me to be there.

Two days after I prayed, and admitted my reality (that it is hurt, that it happens for a reason, that I’m learning hard from it, etc) I woke up feeling sore on my teeth muscles and I told God to cancel my appointments with him, so thats what I get, it get canceled, that means I got to wake up late and let my teeth healed. 

But you know what, God works in mysterious ways. 

Friday night, with an appointment got canceled – so i dont have to wake up early – mind,, I watched Get Smart on netflix after drinking my medicine.

Suddenly, out of nowhere I felt asleep. I fell into a deep sleep, that I couldn’t even hold on to keep my eyes open. 

Maybe its the meds, maybe its God’s intervention – at that moment I didnt know. I just fell right to sleep at my sofa in front of the TV. 

I woke up at 1.14AM from my deep sleep, went to my bed room to continue my sleeping, but I was planning on watching Elementary first because I didnt feel like falling asleep straight away, my body surprisingly feeling refreshed, like I had been sleeping for 5 hours.

So I did that, then while watching the show, my friend called me at 1.30AM and told me that I was on to replace him that day.

He told me all the details that I need to know, and everything. 

As much as I wanted to sleep again, somehow I got this adrenaline and my brain started to plan things. 

That I would finaly get off my bed at 3aM, drove my self to Jakarta to pick up my job kit at the apartment, then drive again to the shoot location,, etc. 

I prayed to God that morning, to helped me to be able to communicate and behave/acted professionally, gak salah ngomong, good first impresion, that I won’t get into any more dramas or problems, etc. 

And He gave me exactly that. 

Friday night to Saturday night, I am experiencing GODS INTERVENTION, that MADE ME ABLE TO GO FORWARD, not feeling stuck, and HE OPENS DOORS FOR ME AGAIN. 

THAT NIGHT/DAY He intervened my speech – so I won’t say things that can get easily mistaken, my sleep – He made me fell ASLEEP directly (I have insomnia so yeah), He directed my brain with Adrenaline and plannings – so I get hyped by it. 


He answers my prayers, my questions. 

Eventhough, // when its time for me to go to Jakarta and drive there from Bogor (43,5km +-) at 6AM in the morning // the evil side said things like ‘WHY?! Why all so sudden?!’ ‘Lets go back to bed, shall we?’ Or doing curses etc, I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO PRAYED ABOUT IT AND I HAVE TO FIGHT IT AND GO FOR IT. 


And That’s what I did. 


That day, I watched and experienced, His love and mercy – His grace – the way He fixes my mistakes, the way He healed my pain, the way He directed me on how I should be/do that day. The way He gave me new point of view / like a fresh look and optimism in mind to face the people that I had problem with before, like a fresh positive vibe/take on how to face and healed from my problems. It’s so beautifully arranged for me and it’s amazing how He works.” 

I guess my point is, 

If you dwelt with huge problems, admit it to Him. To Jesus. Assessed your self, what went wrong, what YOU could do better next time. 

If you are dwelling with depression, insomnia, anxiety — FIRST THING: PRAY, READ YOUR BIBLE, AND FIGHT IN JESUS NAME. 

– theres this one time when I felt ‘I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of life, being sick all the time, tired of my asthma, etc’ i was having a tantrum, screaming and crying, its just feel like I am so done with life. ‘ 

During all of that, He told me to open my bible. 

And the first verse that come up to me was 

“…..and with His stripes, we are healed. – Isaiah 53:5 ” 

In my endless tears, it was hard to read the small fonts on the bible, but I kept on reading it. 

“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭53:3-5‬ ‭KJV‬‬

It’s like He spoke to me through that verse. (I opened them randomly) and My tears were slowly faded away. 
If God can do that with me, He can do that too with You.

All you have to do is 

PRAY and Believe in Him ❤️

God bless ! Xx

#ThankYouJesus #depressionnomore #Grace #Jesus #lifestruggles #faithdaily


Jesus. #TreatPeopleWithKindness Head of Hospitality @FullColorParty Loves to Write I love concerts, and everything about music Loves to assist and help others I am always prepared for everything Loves to travel but I can't travel light - I've tried tho! :D Feel Free to chat me about things! I'm struggling with anxiety / dark thoughts / brain noise (as Chris Evans might said it :P) - sometimes :)

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